I yelled. I screamed. I cried. It wasn’t supposed to be that way, but I felt like my entire weekend had been hijacked.
On Friday they came over and some had their own issues. I started to feel guilty and selfish for being so angry about Liverpool. We stayed in – got a takeaway and watched a DVD. I had told a different friend that I’d meet her out, but I didn’t bother mentioning it, thinking money was an issue.
On Saturday we went to watch Wales v England at the rugby club, and then later to the pubs in town. The rugby was fun. But otherwise I spent the night listening to them bitch about how dead town was (first for the rugby then when we came back afterwards); discuss plans for holidays in June, September and skiing next winter; and saying they wanted to go dancing and therefore go to Ruthin.
I was fed up with the bitching. That wasn’t the weekend I’d planned. The one I’d planned involved town on Friday, rugby while we got ready on Saturday, then off to Liverpool. Town is always dead on a Saturday, and apparently I was the only one who didn’t care where I was for the rugby. I wondered how much money they’d have to save for their holidays. I mentally totted up how much they must be spending and wondering how different that would be to Liverpool. And several times I said “I don’t want to go to Ruthin – I’d rather St Asaph”.
So I snapped.
They told me it wasn’t personal. I listened to as much explanation as I could, then left them to it. I didn’t want to talk about it then, so we talked this morning. Again they said it wasn’t personal. But it felt personal. They agreed I was right about how much money they must’ve spent. I got one additional – personal – reason for cancelling: angry with me due to no invite to the cinema.
So I’m still left wondering why the weekend I’d organised a month ago got ruined. And it still sounds personal. Those who were poor probably didn’t spend any less by staying local. One of those who had to work Sunday got hammered locally. So what reasons am I left with for missing out on the night I was looking forward to?
They didn’t know what else to say but sorry. Took me snapping to even get that. I said I needed time. I don’t know how long it’ll take: I don’t want to hold a grudge or be angry, but at the moment I can’t help it.