I’m feeling trapped, and it’s stressing me out and causing even more sleep problems. And worst of all, it’s making me angry with Dad, and I really don’t want to feel like that.

He’s left me with a situation which, had we planned properly, would have had specific instructions about how to deal with it. Because I knew I didn’t want to be left in this situation. And now I am.

I don’t know how the person in question managed to repeatedly crawl her way back into his life, but she did. And no matter how many lies she told or how many problems she caused, he let her back in, and still seemed to trust her.

But the reason I’m trapped is because she did help him out of a financial situation and he didn’t get the chance to repay that debt.

She is happy to write that debt off but I am not, as it would mean being indebted to her and I really don’t want that.

She also keeps horses on Dad’s land, which I’m pretty sure she does not pay for, and neither does she pay for hay. But I don’t know for sure.

The problem is how to get out of this. I sat in her living room last night and as I listened to her, I wondered what was true and what was false.

My gut instinct is to distance myself from her, but that means I’d also have to kick her off the land, which won’t be easy while I don’t fully understand the arrangement. And she’s also disabled and has cancer, so it doesn’t exactly make me feel like a good person.

So I think I have several options.

  • Keep going like this and feel worse and worse and probably damage my own health.
  • Ask her to pay rent on the land, which might cause enough of a problem for her to leave of her own volition.
  • Say that I can’t be her friend because I don’t know what is the truth and what is lies. Let her stay on the land if she chooses to, but ask her to pay rent.
  • Wait for the financial situation to be resolved, say I can’t be her friend and tell her I want her off the land.

The first is definitely not an option. I really do want to choose the fourth, mostly because I remember what an awful person she has been in the past and the fact that she has threatened members of my family as well as Dad’s friends. But she helped Dad. And she is being nice as pie to me. I think it’s about self preservation more than anything else. But if I kick her out, I still end up looking like a horrible person.


  1. Get a 3rd party to tell her (a friend/relative who is offering support?). Or get a legal rent document (free via cab?) and give it to her?
    Grieving is a long process, you could do without added stress and emotions.

  2. Go with your instinct and choose the 4th. Give yourself as much time as you need to grieve – we only appear to pester because we care so much.

  3. Thanks for the comments. One thing I didn’t mention was the fact that she has also asked me to support her through a personal crisis that Dad was previously doing.

    So I’m stuck for the moment, but hopefully I will be able to sort myself out eventually.

  4. Ask her to pay a peppercorn rent to put any rights she may have on the land on a legal footing using a properly constructed form. But before you do anything get full and proper legal advice from someone that is well and properly qualified in this area. The last thing you need is having someone claim squatters rights on YOUR land that could be transferable though usage.

  5. Thanks Fred. I hadn’t heard of this, but squatter rights are definitely something I want to avoid. Due to another complicated situation I’ve been left with, I definitely want to ensure everything is written down in legally binding agreements.

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