I’m feeling really down at the moment. Part of it comes from the bigger issues like the state of the world: climate change, greed, injustice, etc. I like to feel positive about these things: to hope that things will improve. But sometimes I get really down about it and wonder how long I can be a part of this world.
And part of it comes from personal issues. I was at home over Christmas and didn’t have a brilliant time: I didn’t see as much of my friends as I hoped to, I didn’t really do very much, I was really lethargic and I did almost no work for university. Now I’m back in Newcastle and I’m still struggling to motivate myself. I’m stressed about the course because I know how much I should be doing compared to how much I am doing. I’m stressed about RAG because I don’t seem to have many associates. I’m stressed about the Photography Society because I feel like I’m failing in every aspect of it. I just about have enough money to pay my rent and bills, but not to pay for food or going out or anything else. And I’m not doing any exercise, which I paid for up front.
I’m struggling to get to sleep, which means I’m sleeping in late. I can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything. I’m angry and upset. And I don’t like myself very much at the moment.
I just want to snap out of it.