I hate that I’m putting another post about boys on here – feels like it’s turning into a self-obsessed woe-is-me blog – but my self-esteem is taking a bit of a knock and I’m hoping venting here will help.
I gave my number to a guy a month ago. I knew a few months before then that he liked me but it took him a while to tell me that. So we’ve texted a lot, he’s taken me for a couple of drinks in the pub one night, and we had a fun night together at a mutual friend’s birthday party last week. At no point has he said whether he’s after a girlfriend or a bit of fun, but I haven’t asked for it to cleared up either. And this week, I haven’t heard for him for 3 days, then when I saw him out last night, he didn’t seem particularly excited to see me or make any special effort to be around me.
My golden rule here is, if he isn’t chasing me or doesn’t seem excited about me, he isn’t that interested and I should cut my losses. Which is exactly what I intend to do. So much of this has felt like a previous ‘relationship’ which I really got hurt by, so I’m getting out before it hurts that badly again. Trying harder just doesn’t work!
And more fool him. As a friend said to me later last night, I’m a great package and shouldn’t sell myself short in this small town. And he didn’t even know what had happened – he was just being complimentary.
I’m angry with myself for caring, and as much as I know I shouldn’t care and just move on, I want answers. I don’t mean I’m going to confront him: just that it hurts to be rejected and it would be nice to know what it is about me that I can’t even hold a guy’s interest for longer than a month.
I have one friend who is desperately wanting to be in a relationship. I can’t understand it. These past few weeks have brought out so many of my neuroses. I hate having my mood dependent on another person so much. Happy when he was texting or with me, sad or grumpy when he wasn’t in contact, indecisive about whether I should contact him, unsure of what he wanted and not willing to ask for fear of scaring him off.
I don’t want to believe that there’s something wrong with me, but sometimes I can’t help but think there must be.