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Depression

Low, part 2

I have been OK since the last post below, but apparently I chose not to blog in that time!

So now, once again, I’m down in the dumps. I’m getting the feeling it might partly be down to PMT. At least I hope it is. Although there are plenty of reasons for me to feel a bit crappy, none of them are really good enough for me to feel this way. Maybe university just doesn’t work for me. I feel like I tried to make up for everything that I felt I did wrong in Leeds and have come out feeling just as bad. At least it’s only one year this time.

I know it isn’t just about that: there are plenty of times where I feel crappy at home (see below for just one example). At least if it is related to PMT then there is a reason for it. That might put me at ease somewhat. But not the fact that I’ll have to put up with it for life!

I just want to snap out of it.

Depression

Low

I’m feeling really down at the moment. Part of it comes from the bigger issues like the state of the world: climate change, greed, injustice, etc. I like to feel positive about these things: to hope that things will improve. But sometimes I get really down about it and wonder how long I can be a part of this world.

And part of it comes from personal issues. I was at home over Christmas and didn’t have a brilliant time: I didn’t see as much of my friends as I hoped to, I didn’t really do very much, I was really lethargic and I did almost no work for university. Now I’m back in Newcastle and I’m still struggling to motivate myself. I’m stressed about the course because I know how much I should be doing compared to how much I am doing. I’m stressed about RAG because I don’t seem to have many associates. I’m stressed about the Photography Society because I feel like I’m failing in every aspect of it. I just about have enough money to pay my rent and bills, but not to pay for food or going out or anything else. And I’m not doing any exercise, which I paid for up front.

I’m struggling to get to sleep, which means I’m sleeping in late. I can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything. I’m angry and upset. And I don’t like myself very much at the moment.

I just want to snap out of it.

Depression

Feeling a bit pathetic cuz my lecturer thought I should’ve done better in my last assignment.

I know he’s right. But I’m crap at academic writing. I started off thinking about this particular assignment purely in terms of real world situations, then decided I didn’t have enough theory, and it completely changed direction. Turns out that the one person I know who ignored theory for empirical stuff got a great mark.

It’s not about whether someone else did better than me. It’s not really about whether I did that well (even though I know I should). It’s really more about the fact that he told me I should’ve done better. About the fact that he seemed disappointed. His comments said it all: intellect of a distinction. Just not the clarity.