I fell out with Dad last week. It sounds like something petty and trivial, but in truth it was just my breaking point. I have a lot of unresolved issues with Dad, which have been building up for some time. So maybe it was inevitable. Maybe it needed to happen.
Now I’m waiting for him to contact me. He has tried, but with no remorse or even acknowledgement that we had an argument. I’m not that bothered about the remorse, but I don’t want to just gloss over this and pretend it never happened. That’s how we got to this point in the first place!
But, assuming he swallows his pride or abandons his stubbornness, how far do I want to go? Do I just open up about a couple of things, or do I open the floodgates and let everything out?
- The fact that I feel like he abandoned me when I was a teenager and just left me with Chrissey, which hurts like hell when I see how much more he does with Hannah now.
- The fact that I still resent the day he hit me when I didn’t want to ride after falling off, and even more so because the last time he brought it up, he seemed to be under the impression that he was in the right.
- He doesn’t listen. Either in the hearing sense, or looking at things from my point of view.
- He never says thank you or says he appreciates me.
- He never tells me he’s proud of me. It’s not the same to tell other people.
- When I did his paperwork and tidied his house and did his ironing, he didn’t lift a finger to help me and he didn’t thank me.
And, less selfishly…
- He smokes and drinks too much. I hate that he spends so much money on it, and I dread to think what he’s doing to his health. I hate hearing him coughing in the morning, to the point where I can’t be in the house when he’s getting up.
- His house his filthy. I’d like him to live somewhere clean, where he can invite people in and they don’t have to worry about getting e-coli.
- He’s in a more financially secure place than he’s ever been, but as long as he just sits around doing nothing, the money is disappearing. I don’t want him to decide on something to do with it in a couple of years and find there isn’t enough left.
- He has a tendency to bury his head in the sand rather than deal with things. Not a reason to fall out with him, but it can be infuriating.
So that’s it. There probably is more, but that’s all I can think of at the moment. Do I want to talk about it? I know his self esteem isn’t great, and I don’t really want to make it worse. But do I need to talk about it? One thing I am sure of: ignoring it isn’t an option.