Blondie is redecorating my room. His room now. It took me quite a while to say OK and I’m still a bit uncomfortable about it. Despite all the time I’ve spent moving my stuff out and that I’ve slept at Nain’s for a couple of nights, it’s the fact that he’s redecorating my room that makes the move feel permanent.
So why am I taking is so badly? I guess partly because it’s been my home for nearly 10 years, which is longer than I’ve lived anywhere else. It’s the base I returned to after each of my big trips and from university. I decorated it my way, with my own furniture. And I love the house. I’m gutted to be leaving it, even if it’s not being sold and I may well return some day. Who knows when that’ll be?
But I think the biggest problem is that I feel like my life is going backwards. I’m back in the house I was in 10 years ago as a teenager, dependent on everyone around me again because I can’t afford to support myself. Only now I have more qualifications, more debt and apparently fewer prospects.
I know that isn’t hugely different from the past 12 months, and I know it’s only a temporary move to Nain’s, but the move itself is making my situation more real, and more depressing.
It would be completely different if I was moving into a place I was renting or buying, a place that I was moving to due to work commitments or simply because I wanted to and was in a position to.
I can only hope that soon I will find a job that will allow me such simple pleasures as being able to pay my own way.